Let me have my own place in this topic, among hundreds of similar writings about it that have already been published everywhere. Because yes, I have a narcissistic mother.
Do I love my mother? Surely. But not that much that I want to follow her every footsteps from the beginning she had me in this world until today. I respect her and consciously put some space between us, just to make sure that I am what I am and not her.
Even until today, when I try to remember wonderful memories that I had with Mom, I often have to force myself and think hard about them. I do have good memories with Mom, but not many. The bigger part of memories that I have with Mom is a blank space filled with nothing… because she just wasn’t there most of the time.
And if someone ever asks how I’d grow being a daughter of a narcissistic mother, I’d say it’s not easy. It’s sad and depressing, and even now I’ve grown up and become a mother myself I often find it difficult to decide what good things I should do.
As a Muslim woman, I know I should obey my husband more after I’m married. However, I often feel guilty for not being able to give the best for my parents. The demands of my parents and dutiful obligations to my husband often make me confused and depressed. Thank God I’m blessed with a loving husband that understands my situation very well. He protects me and positions himself as barrier whenever Mom demands me to do things beyond my power.
That’s why now I give space between my own family and my parents’. Not because I don’t love them but I believe it’s the best for us. By being away, Mom can do her own business and won’t be disturbed for having a not perfect daughter. As for me, it’s a never ending cycle to encourage and assure myself that I’m a good person and deserve my own good life.